The Hangover Part III
Guess what? Phil’s getting married, but not before throwing a bachelor party to remember at the center of the earth! Alan, after being banned from the festivities, redeems himself enough to get an invitation by building an earth drill with his parents’ money that’s capable of digging the entire group to party central at the earth’s core. Meanwhile, Mr. Chow has escaped from Interpol headquarters in Lyon by digging downward, and after weeks of tunneling, he stumbles upon the subterranean festivities. Unbeknownst to the trio, Mr. Chow is a prominent figure in the *literal* criminal underworld, and he can command armies of subterranean monsters to do his bidding.
The next morning, the group awakens in a dark cavern 3,000 miles below the earth’s surface. They’re confused, with almost no memory of the night before, and the scientist who knows how to operate their now-malfunctioning earth drill has gone missing. And what’s this? Stu peers at his own reflection in the scratched metal casing of the drill to find that his tongue has been bifurcated, and there’s a fun-loving naked mole rat with a “No fat chicks!” t-shirt on who instantly befriends the trio. As the three try to piece together their memories of the evening, they find pebbles and dust in their underwear. It turns out they all fucked rocks the night before, and they now must come to terms with being rock-fuckers!
Back on the surface, a curious Mike Tyson happens upon the hole the group’s drill cut, and he leans a little too far over to get a look, falling 3,000 miles while singing a shitty karaoke rendition of Extreme’s “Hole Hearted.” When he smacks his head on the bottom of the hole, the impact suddenly makes him the smartest man in the world, and he sets in to repair the earth drill. But where is he going to get the manpower to fix such a huge piece of machinery? Suddenly Mr. Chow breaks through a rock wall, naked, followed by a horde of cave-dwelling creatures at his beck and call. Mr. Chow emits a few high-pitched whistles, and the animals flock to Mike Tyson, encircling the drill and fixing it in a matter of seconds. The crew piles into the drill, with Phil sitting in the driver’s seat revving the engine. They fly toward the surface and burst through the floor of the church, with Phil careening through the windshield and landing at the altar.
Oh, and it turned out that Alan pumped nitrous oxide into everyone’s breathing tubes, but they forgive him because they need to make a fourth movie. And Doug was off playing tennis or something the whole time.
